Putting your baby on a schedule

Putting your baby on a schedule

Now from your experience does putting your baby to a schedule help in the future?

If it does what kind of schedules worked for u and does it stay the same as she grows up? I have only a bedtime schedule where she sleeps around 9:30 to 10. Do u think that’s a good time

I do it on her demands so I think am doing the best I can just wanna do a much better job.

 

I’m sure you are an amazing mother doing the best you can and always trying to do better. No child could ask for better than that!

BABY SCHEDULES…

Schedules are a must with children. Otherwise your life will be in continuous chaos. It also gives your child the beginning principles of discipline and order which is important in development.

As a note on this, I believe in feeding your child when they are hungry and letting them sleep when they are tired although if I daughter was getting ready to fall asleep around 7 pm we would usually play with her to keep her up until about 9 so that she then had a nice long sleep instead of waking up at midnight.

A general schedule that worked for us at the start up until she was 4 months old was:

9am feed the baby.

10-12pm go out with baby in the stroller so they get out of the house at least once a day

12pm feed the baby

1pm – 3pm baby nap if she could. Household chores during this time.

3pm feed the baby.

4pm – 7pm dad plays with the baby including helping the baby take steps, crawl, etc… to start getting the baby tired and hungry and give mom a much needed break.

7pm – 730pm wash the baby and get her ready for bed.

730 pm – 830pm feed the baby.

8:30 – 9:00 lullabyes

9:00 baby to sleep.

9:00 pm – 6am feed the baby and put them back to sleep until they won’t sleep anymore which usually is between 6 and 7am.

Once our daughter hit 6 months the feeding got easier because solids came into the equation and less milk/formula was needed and also she was starting to crawl and amuse herself which freed up more of our time.

6:30 am wake up and formula

7am – 9am play time.

930 – 12 stroll and outside time (includes coffee shop and mall time for mom)

12:30 solid food feeding.

1230 – 3pm nap time if they will (otherwise just let them fall asleep whenever they do)

3pm formula and/or solid food feeding.

4pm – 7pm dad play time.

7pm good solid food dinner

7:30 bath time and ready for bed.

8:30 final bottle of formula for the day

9:00 lullabyes

9:30 bedtime.

Hope that helps!

best,

Dare

www.cluelessfather.com

dsw@cluelessfather.com

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Fussy Children and Temper Tantrums

Fussy Children and Temper Tantrums

To tell u the truth instead of learning from my baby I am getting more scared of the way she is growing up.  She became very active and she doesn’t let me do a thing. I have to hold her or be with her in the same room. I’ve heard that too much stimulation spoils them. What do u think?

People keep telling me to leave her to fuss then she will get use to it but I cant.

 

First off, relax. Take a deep breath. Nothing to be scared about. You’ve never had a kid before so being anxious as things change is natural. Trust me, by the time your baby is a year and a half, you’ll be a pro at all things infant and toddler and ready for another child with full confidence that you can handle anything they throw at you, literally.

But, you have to keep learning as they grow. Don’t accept other people’s conclusions unless they seem like the right one’s FOR YOU and YOUR CHILD.

BABY CRYING, FUSSING, TANTRUMS, ETC…

In terms of baby fussing, you have to start learning the difference between fussing for a reason or just fussing because they see other kids doing the same to get what they want.

You say that you’ve been told a child receiving too much stimulation can spoil them, I think you are trying to say attention or affection.

A child can never receive too much affection and no it won’t spoil them. That’s like saying you could put out a fire by throwing gas on it.

Your daughter being almost 6 months old can’t really do anything by herself. So leaving her alone in her room is kind of like a grown being strapped to a bed with nothing to do. You get pretty upset after a bit as well. To solve this my wife and I got a small baby carrier that we could move around the house that had hanging toys from the top of it so wherever we were in the house the baby could see us but also be amused by the little toys and reach and grab them and stuff like this.

http://www.gracobaby.com/Catalog/Pages/landingPage.aspx?catid=10:10436||1

The Graco Bouncer is the one we bought. That way you can type on the computer, surf the net, clean or just chill out and the baby still has eye contact with you and can amuse herself.

But, as the child gets older you will start to recognize when they are crying because they WANT something (candy or a toy) as opposed to when they NEED something (healthy food, warm blanket).

The first category is called a “temper tantrum” the second category is called a “valid complaint.”

I don’t think your daughter (6 months right?) is old enough to be having tantrums. So you just need to assume it’s a valid complaint at this point. But once she hits about a year to a year and a half…get ready. It’s highly probable that she’ll be rolling on the ground screaming unless you give them what they want.

I never do giver her the object of the tantrum with my daughter. It just teaches them “CRYING = GET WHAT YOU WANT” What I do instead is pick her up and I walk around the house with her and have her touch things or I point things out to her to distract her from whatever it was she was throwing a tantrum over. Usually after a couple minutes she is chilled out and just wants to play.

Works like a charm every single time. I’ll do a video on it next chance I get.

Two very important things to avoid as your child gets older to help with this are:

1.     Do not try to over control them. This doesn’t mean let them smash up the house, it means treat them as adults and they will start acting like adults. Don’t force them to sit in your lap if they don’t want to, don’t punish them if they break their OWN things. Meaning make it clear to them that when you give them something it is theirs and they can do what they want with it. This will eventually teach them to take good care of their things. To do otherwise is to make them feel like they never own anything. How do you feel when someone at work tries to overcontrol you. Like you want to punch them right? Who’s to say a kid doesn’t feel the same way. Probably a lot of childhood rebellion stems from that.

2.     Don’t stop them from trying to help. Your baby will start trying to help from almost day 1, beginning with just trying to make you smile. Recognize these efforts no matter how clumsy they may be. As they get older, and I am talking 1 year old here, have them help do little things around the house, like bring dry laundry to you, or bring a small written message to dad. My daughter is 1 and a half and brings me my shoes when she sees I’m not wearing them and helps me put them on, she helps mom put away the groceries, she likes to try and fold the laundry, she brings things back and forth between mom and I and lots of other little things. I think this is very healthy. Sure she dropped stuff at first or didn’t put it back in the right place but we just lovingly encouraged her and she blossomed and I am positive she will continue to do so.

Hope that helps!

best,

Dare

www.cluelessfather.com

dsw@cluelessfather.com

Cry it out method of sleep training.

Cry it out method of sleep training.

I don’t agree on CIO method, friends say it works but I think that’s just too horrible; any way I just want your opinion on that.

 

CRY IT OUT METHOD SLEEP TRAINING:

This is a pretty rough thing to accept as a parent, but it is also something the child has to learn: how to sleep by themselves.

Why is your daughter crying? Maybe there is something that is scaring her. She’s 6 months old. She can’t defend herself. Knowing that you or dad are there for her is her security. It chills her out.

Also I’ve found that if your child has become accustomed to them being rocked to sleep, they will want it every time they sleep and will cry if they don’t have it. I call this “baby rocker addiction” and tell my friends to be wary of it because it can be fun to break the habit.

By the time she reaches 8-10 months old if she is still crying frequently when she is supposed to be sleeping, you should do something about it.

I understand your apprehension on the cry it out method, but I think there is a right way and a wrong way to do it.

(Even adults, particularly women, cry themselves to sleep later in life! Especially after watching a really sad movie.)

The wrong way is to just let the baby cry and cry and cry all night long. That’s just torturing your baby.

The right way is to:

1. Make sure there is nothing actually wrong with bed/blankets/food/diaper/etc…

2. Make sure that you have a baby monitor in the room so you can see what is happening. It’s also good to have a small night light for the baby. Not very bright, but so the room isn’t totally dark. (also so you don’t trip on anything when you go in and you don’t have to turn on a bright light which will shock the baby).

3. Make sure that you have fed her just before she should go to sleep.

4. When done feeding her, leave her in her crib to sleep. Hopefully she’s asleep, but if not you just need to kiss her goodnight and leave her alone.

5. If she starts crying, let her cry for a little bit. I would say don’t let her cry for more than 15 minutes on the first night. If she’s still crying after 15, comfort her to sleep.

6. If she wakes up because she’s hungry in the middle of the night or needs a diaper change, feed her (or change her) and again leave her alone. If she cries, give her the 15 minutes to see if she cries herself to sleep. If not, go comfort her to sleep.

7. On the next day do the same thing but increase the time by 5 minutes (i.e. 20 minutes).

8. Continue increasing this daily until they finally fall asleep by themselves.

Something to think with: This is probably more painful on the parents than it is on the child. You might feel like the worst parent in the world for the periods while you leave the baby crying, but the truth is they need to learn put themselves to sleep. Just as they will need to learn to walk by themselves.

We did this with our daughter and it was the worst 20 minutes of my fatherhood. But she stopped crying and went to sleep and we had way less problems after that.

As a note, there are different recommended times by different doctors. Some say 3 minutes of crying the first time, then 5 and then 7 on the first night. And then on the second night 5 minutes, then 8 and then 11. And so on, but really it comes down to what you as the parent feel is safe.

Seriously if it’s too rough on your nerves to do it then buy a baby rocker from Graco. I show a video of the one I got on the site and that thing is like a $100 and you get SO MUCH MORE SLEEP it’s ridiculous. It just sends the baby into snoozeville which lets mom and dad go there as well. You might have to deal with baby rocker addiction later on, but they also usually just grow out of it.

Hope that helps!

best,

Dare

www.cluelessfather.com

dsw@cluelessfather.com

Baby Tricks on Playing, Smiling and Sleeping

Baby Tricks on Playing, Smiling and Sleeping

Thank u very much. Really my baby is very healthy but people kept spinning my head…like u have to give her water and they said its necessary to give vitamins. I just wanted your opinion and yours makes sense so thank u and I like the idea of doing the baby chart, I’ll do that.

And now I’m gonna spin your head with my questions…but we also need you to give us some tricks on how to make babies laugh and how to play with them…and our biggest issue is sleep.

My baby doesn’t sleep easily specially at night i have tried feeding, rocking, singing, swing, bouncy chair, rocking bed and still she doesn’t sleep without crying so if there is something magical trick u know pls we need it. I just want my baby to sleep happily not crying. I hope I am not taking from your time. – M

 

Dear M,

No problem!

Because your question comes in multiple parts, I’ve broken it down into multiple answers.

1. SOURCES OF ADVICE ON PARENTING

One of the biggest tricks in parenting is how to raise your child the right way when so many friends and family have RIGHT ways to do it based off their experiences with their children and their own lives.

But the truth is while every baby has things in common with other babies, every single child is unique and has his or her own circumstances. So ultimately you are the parents and your word is FINAL. And your friends and family need to respect that.

That being said, you have the responsibility of ensuring that what you are doing is correct in raising YOUR child. The best advice to fall back on is that of a baby doctor you trust and who has proven to be working for what’s best for the health of the child and not just a paycheck.

Others can help and offer advice, but you have to be the one who finally agrees with the answer you like and then doing it.

Perhaps a certain child needs vitamins because their mother is undernourished or simply exhausted from having to hold a job at the same time and thus not supplying full nourishment in their breastmilk. (And for women in this situation, I usually recommend Barley Formula.) But that’s their scenario.

What’s the sign of a healthy child? One that grows per or above expectations and isn’t sick frequently. If the child isn’t getting what he or she needs to be healthy they are going to let you know with lots of crying to be fed properly.

If your child is healthy and happy, then there isn’t anything wrong! Don’t fix what isn’t broken!

2. PLAYING WITH YOUR CHILD

Honestly this is one of the best parts of parenting. Finding out how to play with your child. Although your princess is still less than 6 months old, you should be getting plenty of giggles and smiles at this point. Usually tickling and playing with toys in front of them and running around with them is sort of what you are limited to until they start gaining mobility. I talk a little about this in the video on my web-site. http://www.cluelessfather.com/first-90-days/the-test-of-manhood-part-5

Babies at 16 weeks are pretty simple.

They like silly faces, strange sounds and their parents generally acting like goofballs. Once you get the hang of goofing around you realize your baby is just laughing AT YOU because of how damn silly you are acting. But their laughs are so magical that you won’t care at all.

I’ve found that dad making the most ridiculous faces possible works better than expensive toys.

As a caution, some babies go into squeals of laughter at certain things while other babies will scream their head off at the same thing. If your daughter gets scared at something you do to make her laugh just calm her down and then try something else. Don’t get bummed out about it.

You have just as much to learn about your child as your child has to learn about you.

One thing that really works on small babies is to place them on a comfy surface such as your bed or a nice rug and to go in very close to them making funny faces and tickly noises and then pull away. Then count “ONE TWO THREE!” Out loud and move towards them and lightly tickle them. Then pull away and repeat. This never seems to get old with my daughter. And now that she can run around, chasing after is added into the mix.

Another great one is peek-a-boo. Placing your hands over your face and then “peek-a-boo’ing” out while smiling at them. This can also be done from behind chairs, tables, plants, etc…

3. THE INFAMOUS SLEEP PROBLEM. 

A magical trick huh? A baby’s inability to sleep is probably the most naturally frustrating thing for every new parent. So much so that I laid out an entire series of videos on dealing with the six most common reasons babies cry and how that relates to them not sleeping. http://www.cluelessfather.com/first-90-days/the-test-of-manhood-part-1

I’ll tell you the magic trick at the very end. But in the meantime here is some science as to how to get your child sleeping better.

a. Establish a schedule

You need to get your baby to set a routine. If they sleep a lot during the day, they won’t sleep at night. Teach your baby when you want them to sleep by closing the curtains when they should be sleeping and opening them for daylight when they should be awake.

A relatively newborn baby IS GOING TO SLEEP MORE THAN 12 -16 HOURS PER DAY. The trick is to get them doing that when you need them to so you can also get the sleep.

At the younger stages (and some of the later stages) a large reason why they wake-up is hunger. And if you are exclusively breastfeeding them, then about the best you can do is to start considering bottling your breastmilk and keeping it in the fridge and have you and the hubby take turns on feeding the girl from the bottle.

But otherwise, don’t let her nap too much during the day so that she is tired when bedtime arrives and set a fixed bed-time every day.

b. Give her a bath before bed-time.

This is part of establishing the schedule. A daily bath with warm water is great fun for you and the baby and can help the baby relax so they can sleep better. There are different baby soaps designed to “relax” the baby so they fall asleep. Some work, some don’t. Depends on the baby.

Also there is an old mother’s remedy of crushing lettuce leaves in the bathwater and letting them soak the water and then letting the baby soak in that for 10 minutes or so before washing them. Hey, it might sound crazy but I was so desperate I absolutely tried it.

c. Make sure she is really well fed right before you put her in the bed to sleep.

I f you are exclusively breastfeeding her and you don’t have enough milk at this hour to really fill her up you either have to bottle it and then give it to her or begin supplementing milk with a formula you trust.

Here is an interesting problem with breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding. With bottle feeding (with breastmilk) you can see exactly how many ounces your baby is drinking and can more accurately ensure they are getting enough food. I have no idea how big or small your baby is but at 15 weeks she should probably be drinking 6-8 ounces of breastmilk at a go right now.

However for some women switching to bottling breastmilk begins to hinder their breastmilk production. So it’s a tricky subject. But either way you just need to make sure THAT YOUR BABY HAS A FULL STOMACH before sleeping.

As a note, I personally never recommend powdered formulas anymore. We exclusively use barley formula. (http://www.cluelessfather.com/parent-skills/how-to-make-barley-formula-part-1).

d. Check for things causing physical pain or discomfort

Here you need to become a bit of Sherlock Holmes and check over every inch of the room and their crib to see if there is anything poking them, scratching them, making them uncomfortable. One thing that really helped our daughter was getting her a super-soft polar fleece blanket to sleep on.

Is the room too hot? Get a fan.

Is the room too dry? Get a humidifier.

Is the room too cold? Get a heater and a humidifier (so the heater doesn’t dry the room out)

Are their bugs such as mosquitos that are waking her up? Kill them.

Are their noises that scare her awake? Get a white noise generator or get rid of the source of the noises. (that doesn’t mean killing obnoxious neighbors although many times I have felt like doing so).

Are her clothes too tight? Bigger clothes.

Does she like sleeping with just the diaper? Lose the rest.

Here is a question for you: Is she sleeping in the same room as you and your husband or is she in the baby room now? As you get near the 6 month mark, you need to start weaning her off staying in the same room as you. Because there may also be things you and the hubby do while sleeping that wake her up.

There are dozens of things that could be bothering her and you have to check the sleeping room for all of them.

And now for the magic trick…..it doesn’t even require abracadabra.

e. TALK TO YOUR BABY.

Many people think that babies don’t understand what you try to tell them. I believe the opposite. I believe if you treat your child as an intelligent human being, they will respond as one.

When my daughter reached 60 days (and I was at the brink of total exhaustion from constantly waking up every night) I decided to sit down with her and have a talk with her. I explained to her that her mother and I needed to sleep so we could take better care of her and that I had to work every day and the lack of sleep was affecting the quality of my work.

I asked her to please start sleeping at least six hours at a go when we all went to sleep. I kissed her and told her we’d make sure she was fed and washed and comfy and in return she let us get a little more sleep.

And it was like magic. For the next 6-8 months she started sleeping at least 8 hours at a go.

That may sound ridiculous for some people, but honestly I don’t care. It worked for us and has worked for two other friends of mine after all else had failed.

Whose to say that a lot of baby crying doesn’t come from the frustration of their parents treating like them idiots? Maybe they just want a little respect. 😀

****

Anyways, there you go. Try the above and let me know how it goes. Do each step one at a time and see if that works. Don’t try everything in one day and then just decide that none of it works.

Perhaps the two greatest parent skills are love and patience in the face of an overwhelming number of reasons as to why one should be angry and frustrated.

It just comes with the entire package, but I am sure the love and beauty of your child helps you somehow make it through and still enjoy every day.

Good luck.

Best,

Dare

www.cluelessfather.com

dsw@cluelessfather.com

“cluelessfather” on youtube

When a child is injured…

When a child is injured…

A parenting suggestion for the holistically inclined based off empirical observation:

When your child is mildly injured (in scientific parenting terms these are known as ‘boo-boos’) instead of freaking out or going on a panic inspired monologue, silently carry them around in your arms and point their attention to objects in the environment or give them things to touch.

They tend to calm faster and return to being happy much faster. Granted it takes a few minutes depending on the severity of the boo-boo, but it seems to cancel out the lingering bad mood side-effect of the injury.

Works with all the kids I’ve tried it on!

Who knew feet tasted that good!?!!!

Who knew feet tasted that good!?!!!

Who knew feet tasted that good!?!!!

Baby Accidents and Parental Guilt

Parental guilt…

The worst sound a parent can hear is a loud crash and then a scream from your baby. 

Our daughter woke up and crawled off the bed at 6am. I held her until she stopped crying. 

She was strangely cheerful and playful after the fall. But I’m gonna feel like the world’s worst dad for at least the rest of the day.

Parental guilt…

The worst sound a parent can hear is a loud crash and then a scream from your baby.

Our daughter woke up and crawled off the bed at 6am. I held her until she stopped crying.

She was strangely cheerful and playful after the fall. But I’m gonna feel like the world’s worst dad for at least the rest of the day.

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