The Uninvolved Parent

I realize that most people in today’s modern world are simply looking for a quick fix for each problem as it comes up as opposed to the more in depth problem solving that takes hard work, learning and true understanding to help avoid the problem from continually recurring in the future.We have passed out of the Age of Aquarias and entered into the “Age of Google.”

Accordingly I’ve posted the solution to the problem right at the top and then past the read more, the whole theory behind the problem under that. You can take the swift approach or you can struggle through the equivalent of 8 Facebook posts to get a better understanding of the problem itself.

I’m not judging or trying to be preachy. Really I’m not. I just know that while this might help solve today’s problem, understanding more about the problem itself might just save your marriage. That being said here goes:

HOW TO SOLVE THE “WHO DOES WHAT” DILLEMA

The basic problem in what most perceive as “uninvolved parenthood” is simply lack of laid out agreements between both parents. One parent might be completely content doing all the parental work providing that they get one day a month in a full luxurious day spa and a trip to Rodeo Drive. The other parent might be blissfully happy simply writing the checks every month and not having to change a single diaper.

While I think both of the above are being denied the depth of character and the true value of the life changing experience that parenthood actually is, who am I to judge? If that’s what happiness it is to certain people then you know what I say? Let them be happy.

But if suddenly that check isn’t written and that day-spa trip has to be cancelled and then someone has to change a diaper that wasn’t expected, then friction enters into the equation. But you know what? No matter how perfectly people think they have it planned, it is going to happen. Why? Because that’s how life works: unpredictably, with fevers that don’t fit into your monthly schedules and temper tantrums that weren’t on the daily planner.

Life challenges you and forces you to either grow or perish. And parenthood for some is the raw essence of life itself.

So how to avoid the unpleasantness and friction? Settle the agreements. You know “if blah happens so and so does blah.”

Ideally do it before you have the child. Because once you do, there is no going back. And if you won’t provide for that child, they will either die or wind up with real parents leaving you behind with the label of a “biological” one. Being a biological parent doesn’t make you a father or a mother. Even gods have to earn that right, and when they don’t, their children suffer and then eventually even the gods do.

To quote one of the most brilliant lines ever written in a screenplay: “Mommy is name of God in the mind of a child.” But so is father.

So what do you do? Sit down with your partner (ideally before you decide to conceive, but if it’s too late for that, it’s never too late to set things right.) and write out the following:

FOR THE 6 MONTHS FOLLOWING BIRTH:

1. If Mommy has Cesaeraen birth, who is going to help change the diapers and give baths and help feed the baby for the 2-3 weeks while mommy gains full mobility? (Daddy? Nanny? Grandma?)

2. Who is going to wash the bottles? All the time? Or just once a day? Or once a week? What? (If you buy 6 bottles they will need to be washed and sterilized once a day, less if the mother can regularly breastfeed)

3. Who is going to change the diapers? All the time? Most of the time? (Expect up to 8 diaper changes a day until they hit 6 months old. If you change less than they need they will get bad rashes and generally make life miserable because you were to lazy to do the work to change the diapers regularly. And just because life is like that, even if you do change the diaper often enough, they will also get rashes when you change the diapers enough anyways)

4. Who is going to wash the baby? All the time? Most of the time? Some of the time? 1 time a week? 3 times a week? (They will need at least one bath a day although if they don’t puke or pee or poop on themselves sometimes you can get away with a 48 hour gap)

5. Who is going to feed the baby? All the time? Most of the time? Some of the time? (They will need to be fed every 2-3 hours on an average for at least 90 days and possibly up to 180 days)

6. Who is going to feed the baby when they wake up 2-3 times a night? Are you going to trade from one day to the next? Do the parents have maternity leave to be able to deal with the exhaustion or can one stay at home while the other goes to work? If the partner who has to go to work can’t sleep and therefore can’t work, how are you going to solve this?

7. Who is going to get the baby ready for bed?

8. Who is going to read the baby bedtime stories?

9. What do you do when one parent is sick?

10. What do you do when the baby is sick?

11. What do you do when everyone is sick?

12. Who is going to take the baby for stroller walks?

13. Who is going to take the baby for walks in the park?

14. Who is going to do the grocery shopping?

15. Who is going to do the shopping for the clothes and accessories?

16. If both parents are going to work, who is going to care for the baby?

17. What is the agreed “girl time” for mom to relax and hang out with friends and take a short breather?

18. What is the agreed “guy’s time” for dad to relax and hang out with friends and take a short breather?

19. What are both parents going to do about “hobbies” they had prior to parenthood (because you can for the most part just kiss those goodbye. Seriously, donate that X-Box or playstation to your favorite family member.)

20. Who is going to look after baby when mom and dad need some “together time” because you HAVE TO HAVE THAT or you will burn out before the race is even really going. (Nanny? Grandma? Sister?)

21. DISCLAIMER CLAUSE: BOTH PARENTS MUST AGREE TO REVISIT THESE AGREEMENTS FROM TIME TO TIME TO ADJUST THEM BASED OFF THINGS THAT THEY HAVE LEARNED.

And pretty much anything else you can think of that might become a problem. You need to talk about it before it becomes one, or if it already is one, you need to talk it over until you reach a mutual agreement. And if you can’t reach a mutual agreement then realize you’ve hit a point of cancer that will eventually destroy not only the parent’s happiness, but the child’s as well.

You are entering into a life-long contract with a child, and often you enter into it unknowingly in a head first screaming dive off the side of a cliff with an undersized parachute strapped to your back. That again, is life.

And if you can learn how to deal with it, you can learn how to truly enjoy it. And if you think that was too long for your taste or cut a bit close to the bone, then don’t even bother clicking “read more.” But I do hope that helps and wish you the best of luck in enjoying the full depth and breadth of parenthood.

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Putting your baby on a schedule

Putting your baby on a schedule

Now from your experience does putting your baby to a schedule help in the future?

If it does what kind of schedules worked for u and does it stay the same as she grows up? I have only a bedtime schedule where she sleeps around 9:30 to 10. Do u think that’s a good time

I do it on her demands so I think am doing the best I can just wanna do a much better job.

 

I’m sure you are an amazing mother doing the best you can and always trying to do better. No child could ask for better than that!

BABY SCHEDULES…

Schedules are a must with children. Otherwise your life will be in continuous chaos. It also gives your child the beginning principles of discipline and order which is important in development.

As a note on this, I believe in feeding your child when they are hungry and letting them sleep when they are tired although if I daughter was getting ready to fall asleep around 7 pm we would usually play with her to keep her up until about 9 so that she then had a nice long sleep instead of waking up at midnight.

A general schedule that worked for us at the start up until she was 4 months old was:

9am feed the baby.

10-12pm go out with baby in the stroller so they get out of the house at least once a day

12pm feed the baby

1pm – 3pm baby nap if she could. Household chores during this time.

3pm feed the baby.

4pm – 7pm dad plays with the baby including helping the baby take steps, crawl, etc… to start getting the baby tired and hungry and give mom a much needed break.

7pm – 730pm wash the baby and get her ready for bed.

730 pm – 830pm feed the baby.

8:30 – 9:00 lullabyes

9:00 baby to sleep.

9:00 pm – 6am feed the baby and put them back to sleep until they won’t sleep anymore which usually is between 6 and 7am.

Once our daughter hit 6 months the feeding got easier because solids came into the equation and less milk/formula was needed and also she was starting to crawl and amuse herself which freed up more of our time.

6:30 am wake up and formula

7am – 9am play time.

930 – 12 stroll and outside time (includes coffee shop and mall time for mom)

12:30 solid food feeding.

1230 – 3pm nap time if they will (otherwise just let them fall asleep whenever they do)

3pm formula and/or solid food feeding.

4pm – 7pm dad play time.

7pm good solid food dinner

7:30 bath time and ready for bed.

8:30 final bottle of formula for the day

9:00 lullabyes

9:30 bedtime.

Hope that helps!

best,

Dare

www.cluelessfather.com

dsw@cluelessfather.com

Fussy Children and Temper Tantrums

Fussy Children and Temper Tantrums

To tell u the truth instead of learning from my baby I am getting more scared of the way she is growing up.  She became very active and she doesn’t let me do a thing. I have to hold her or be with her in the same room. I’ve heard that too much stimulation spoils them. What do u think?

People keep telling me to leave her to fuss then she will get use to it but I cant.

 

First off, relax. Take a deep breath. Nothing to be scared about. You’ve never had a kid before so being anxious as things change is natural. Trust me, by the time your baby is a year and a half, you’ll be a pro at all things infant and toddler and ready for another child with full confidence that you can handle anything they throw at you, literally.

But, you have to keep learning as they grow. Don’t accept other people’s conclusions unless they seem like the right one’s FOR YOU and YOUR CHILD.

BABY CRYING, FUSSING, TANTRUMS, ETC…

In terms of baby fussing, you have to start learning the difference between fussing for a reason or just fussing because they see other kids doing the same to get what they want.

You say that you’ve been told a child receiving too much stimulation can spoil them, I think you are trying to say attention or affection.

A child can never receive too much affection and no it won’t spoil them. That’s like saying you could put out a fire by throwing gas on it.

Your daughter being almost 6 months old can’t really do anything by herself. So leaving her alone in her room is kind of like a grown being strapped to a bed with nothing to do. You get pretty upset after a bit as well. To solve this my wife and I got a small baby carrier that we could move around the house that had hanging toys from the top of it so wherever we were in the house the baby could see us but also be amused by the little toys and reach and grab them and stuff like this.

http://www.gracobaby.com/Catalog/Pages/landingPage.aspx?catid=10:10436||1

The Graco Bouncer is the one we bought. That way you can type on the computer, surf the net, clean or just chill out and the baby still has eye contact with you and can amuse herself.

But, as the child gets older you will start to recognize when they are crying because they WANT something (candy or a toy) as opposed to when they NEED something (healthy food, warm blanket).

The first category is called a “temper tantrum” the second category is called a “valid complaint.”

I don’t think your daughter (6 months right?) is old enough to be having tantrums. So you just need to assume it’s a valid complaint at this point. But once she hits about a year to a year and a half…get ready. It’s highly probable that she’ll be rolling on the ground screaming unless you give them what they want.

I never do giver her the object of the tantrum with my daughter. It just teaches them “CRYING = GET WHAT YOU WANT” What I do instead is pick her up and I walk around the house with her and have her touch things or I point things out to her to distract her from whatever it was she was throwing a tantrum over. Usually after a couple minutes she is chilled out and just wants to play.

Works like a charm every single time. I’ll do a video on it next chance I get.

Two very important things to avoid as your child gets older to help with this are:

1.     Do not try to over control them. This doesn’t mean let them smash up the house, it means treat them as adults and they will start acting like adults. Don’t force them to sit in your lap if they don’t want to, don’t punish them if they break their OWN things. Meaning make it clear to them that when you give them something it is theirs and they can do what they want with it. This will eventually teach them to take good care of their things. To do otherwise is to make them feel like they never own anything. How do you feel when someone at work tries to overcontrol you. Like you want to punch them right? Who’s to say a kid doesn’t feel the same way. Probably a lot of childhood rebellion stems from that.

2.     Don’t stop them from trying to help. Your baby will start trying to help from almost day 1, beginning with just trying to make you smile. Recognize these efforts no matter how clumsy they may be. As they get older, and I am talking 1 year old here, have them help do little things around the house, like bring dry laundry to you, or bring a small written message to dad. My daughter is 1 and a half and brings me my shoes when she sees I’m not wearing them and helps me put them on, she helps mom put away the groceries, she likes to try and fold the laundry, she brings things back and forth between mom and I and lots of other little things. I think this is very healthy. Sure she dropped stuff at first or didn’t put it back in the right place but we just lovingly encouraged her and she blossomed and I am positive she will continue to do so.

Hope that helps!

best,

Dare

www.cluelessfather.com

dsw@cluelessfather.com

Cry it out method of sleep training.

Cry it out method of sleep training.

I don’t agree on CIO method, friends say it works but I think that’s just too horrible; any way I just want your opinion on that.

 

CRY IT OUT METHOD SLEEP TRAINING:

This is a pretty rough thing to accept as a parent, but it is also something the child has to learn: how to sleep by themselves.

Why is your daughter crying? Maybe there is something that is scaring her. She’s 6 months old. She can’t defend herself. Knowing that you or dad are there for her is her security. It chills her out.

Also I’ve found that if your child has become accustomed to them being rocked to sleep, they will want it every time they sleep and will cry if they don’t have it. I call this “baby rocker addiction” and tell my friends to be wary of it because it can be fun to break the habit.

By the time she reaches 8-10 months old if she is still crying frequently when she is supposed to be sleeping, you should do something about it.

I understand your apprehension on the cry it out method, but I think there is a right way and a wrong way to do it.

(Even adults, particularly women, cry themselves to sleep later in life! Especially after watching a really sad movie.)

The wrong way is to just let the baby cry and cry and cry all night long. That’s just torturing your baby.

The right way is to:

1. Make sure there is nothing actually wrong with bed/blankets/food/diaper/etc…

2. Make sure that you have a baby monitor in the room so you can see what is happening. It’s also good to have a small night light for the baby. Not very bright, but so the room isn’t totally dark. (also so you don’t trip on anything when you go in and you don’t have to turn on a bright light which will shock the baby).

3. Make sure that you have fed her just before she should go to sleep.

4. When done feeding her, leave her in her crib to sleep. Hopefully she’s asleep, but if not you just need to kiss her goodnight and leave her alone.

5. If she starts crying, let her cry for a little bit. I would say don’t let her cry for more than 15 minutes on the first night. If she’s still crying after 15, comfort her to sleep.

6. If she wakes up because she’s hungry in the middle of the night or needs a diaper change, feed her (or change her) and again leave her alone. If she cries, give her the 15 minutes to see if she cries herself to sleep. If not, go comfort her to sleep.

7. On the next day do the same thing but increase the time by 5 minutes (i.e. 20 minutes).

8. Continue increasing this daily until they finally fall asleep by themselves.

Something to think with: This is probably more painful on the parents than it is on the child. You might feel like the worst parent in the world for the periods while you leave the baby crying, but the truth is they need to learn put themselves to sleep. Just as they will need to learn to walk by themselves.

We did this with our daughter and it was the worst 20 minutes of my fatherhood. But she stopped crying and went to sleep and we had way less problems after that.

As a note, there are different recommended times by different doctors. Some say 3 minutes of crying the first time, then 5 and then 7 on the first night. And then on the second night 5 minutes, then 8 and then 11. And so on, but really it comes down to what you as the parent feel is safe.

Seriously if it’s too rough on your nerves to do it then buy a baby rocker from Graco. I show a video of the one I got on the site and that thing is like a $100 and you get SO MUCH MORE SLEEP it’s ridiculous. It just sends the baby into snoozeville which lets mom and dad go there as well. You might have to deal with baby rocker addiction later on, but they also usually just grow out of it.

Hope that helps!

best,

Dare

www.cluelessfather.com

dsw@cluelessfather.com

When to start feeding baby solids…

When to start feeding baby solids…

hello again dare,

u r helping me alot thank u…funny thing is that when we became desperate my husband did the same thing with her. He sat in front of her and he said the same thing u told to ur baby about sleeping. I laughed at him when he was done and now he is laughing at me b/c am doing it too! And I hope it works…and dont worry I saw your videos I just want more datails if there is something u left out in the vids„,Anyway we r doing our best from ur help.

Though now that she is 4 moths old when is the best time to start solid food. I saw in your vid u said that starting with veg but are there other options like cereals etc…

Just want your opinion on that am sure i have so many questions I send u little by little so u can give me good advice.

btw does your wife participate in the cluelessfather? Just want some of her opinions also u know like mother to mother works good too!

Anyways tnx again.

btw my real name is ekram,

 

 


Dear Ekram,

That’s a beautiful name. My full name is Darius which is Persian, but it was always shortened to Dare as I was constantly doing wild things that people dared me to do. I’ve never met another white American with that name though and I got teased a lot over it when I was a kid. I’m proud of it now though as I hope you are with yours!

Your husband has earned his laugh! He sounds like a pretty smart guy!

My wife does help out with clueless fathers, mothers and other family members. You can always write to my wife at “rosew@cluelessfather.com”, she likes helping other new parents out as well. It was something we sort of vowed we would help other people with as it had been a very scary time for both of us and we wish to help others avoid being scared so they can focus on enjoying as much as possible their child.

In terms of leaving things out of the videos, of course! There are a bazillion and one things that I left out of the videos. They were just sort of meant to handle the basic things to prepare for parenthood that I used to get asked about on a daily basis.

Trust me. By the time you make it through a year and a half of being a mom, you’ll have all the basics down cold and just be learning from your children every day with the understanding that the basics always stay the same, you just change it up a little as they get older and figure out new ways of testing you. 😀

In terms of when do you start feeding a baby solid food there are dozens of variables on this. You are going the exclusive breastfeeding route at the moment and while many mothers will have different takes on this question, I believe that most pediatricians agree that towards the end of 5 months/beginning of 6 months you want to start introducing solids and weaning them off breastfeeding or as a supplement to it.

Vegetables are a main recommendation but there are also a number of different cereals that are possible such as barley, oatmeal and various other types in powdered or semi-powdered form which can be mixed with breastmilk.

The thing you want to watch for is not training your child to enjoy “sweet” things to start. Otherwise they’ll be harder to introduce to vegetables and similar foods later on. It’s certainly fine that they eat fruits. Just mix it up so they learn that there are different foods and not to lock in on just one. Liquified meats (chicken, beef, etc…) can be introduced usually about a month after they are stably adjusting to the introduction of solids. Realize there are lots of opinions on this. I’m sure 20 readers of this will have 20 different opinions in terms of timing.

IT’S VERY IMPORTANT to only introduce a very small portion of solid foods at the time. You might only start with half a spoonful the first day. Make sure you check for any reactions/allergies to the foods and obviously discontinue feeding them that type of food.

Once you start to introduce solids, the baby will rapidly start to eat more and more of it. Before the month is out they’ll probably be eating 6 ounces a day of solids in addition to whatever breastmilk or formula they are drinking.

Realize that PROTEIN is very important for a baby/child at this stage. Stay away from foods and baby formulas that are just going to load up the baby with carbohydrates and turn the baby unhealthily fat. Again that’s why we do barley formula and probably will until our children reach about 30 months.

But when you do decide to introduce solid foods (and by solids realize I am talking about LIQUIFIED SOLID FOODS, i.e. not a solid carrot but a paste of the carrot) and if you have the luxury of time, I highly recommend going with home made organic foods rather than off the shelf Gerbers and similar. In some parts of the world they have pre-made organic baby foods which are great if you can get them, but they don’t store long.

For more advanced and “certified” information, if you have access to a library there is a book from an author called Adelle Davis “Let’s Eat Right to have healthy children.” It’s a great book for really great information on how to feed children.

Hope that helps! I’ll try to answer the questions as fast as you send them to me but also to give you complete answers.

Have a great day!

Dare

dsw@cluelessfather.com

www.cluelessfather.com

Baby Tricks on Playing, Smiling and Sleeping

Baby Tricks on Playing, Smiling and Sleeping

Thank u very much. Really my baby is very healthy but people kept spinning my head…like u have to give her water and they said its necessary to give vitamins. I just wanted your opinion and yours makes sense so thank u and I like the idea of doing the baby chart, I’ll do that.

And now I’m gonna spin your head with my questions…but we also need you to give us some tricks on how to make babies laugh and how to play with them…and our biggest issue is sleep.

My baby doesn’t sleep easily specially at night i have tried feeding, rocking, singing, swing, bouncy chair, rocking bed and still she doesn’t sleep without crying so if there is something magical trick u know pls we need it. I just want my baby to sleep happily not crying. I hope I am not taking from your time. – M

 

Dear M,

No problem!

Because your question comes in multiple parts, I’ve broken it down into multiple answers.

1. SOURCES OF ADVICE ON PARENTING

One of the biggest tricks in parenting is how to raise your child the right way when so many friends and family have RIGHT ways to do it based off their experiences with their children and their own lives.

But the truth is while every baby has things in common with other babies, every single child is unique and has his or her own circumstances. So ultimately you are the parents and your word is FINAL. And your friends and family need to respect that.

That being said, you have the responsibility of ensuring that what you are doing is correct in raising YOUR child. The best advice to fall back on is that of a baby doctor you trust and who has proven to be working for what’s best for the health of the child and not just a paycheck.

Others can help and offer advice, but you have to be the one who finally agrees with the answer you like and then doing it.

Perhaps a certain child needs vitamins because their mother is undernourished or simply exhausted from having to hold a job at the same time and thus not supplying full nourishment in their breastmilk. (And for women in this situation, I usually recommend Barley Formula.) But that’s their scenario.

What’s the sign of a healthy child? One that grows per or above expectations and isn’t sick frequently. If the child isn’t getting what he or she needs to be healthy they are going to let you know with lots of crying to be fed properly.

If your child is healthy and happy, then there isn’t anything wrong! Don’t fix what isn’t broken!

2. PLAYING WITH YOUR CHILD

Honestly this is one of the best parts of parenting. Finding out how to play with your child. Although your princess is still less than 6 months old, you should be getting plenty of giggles and smiles at this point. Usually tickling and playing with toys in front of them and running around with them is sort of what you are limited to until they start gaining mobility. I talk a little about this in the video on my web-site. http://www.cluelessfather.com/first-90-days/the-test-of-manhood-part-5

Babies at 16 weeks are pretty simple.

They like silly faces, strange sounds and their parents generally acting like goofballs. Once you get the hang of goofing around you realize your baby is just laughing AT YOU because of how damn silly you are acting. But their laughs are so magical that you won’t care at all.

I’ve found that dad making the most ridiculous faces possible works better than expensive toys.

As a caution, some babies go into squeals of laughter at certain things while other babies will scream their head off at the same thing. If your daughter gets scared at something you do to make her laugh just calm her down and then try something else. Don’t get bummed out about it.

You have just as much to learn about your child as your child has to learn about you.

One thing that really works on small babies is to place them on a comfy surface such as your bed or a nice rug and to go in very close to them making funny faces and tickly noises and then pull away. Then count “ONE TWO THREE!” Out loud and move towards them and lightly tickle them. Then pull away and repeat. This never seems to get old with my daughter. And now that she can run around, chasing after is added into the mix.

Another great one is peek-a-boo. Placing your hands over your face and then “peek-a-boo’ing” out while smiling at them. This can also be done from behind chairs, tables, plants, etc…

3. THE INFAMOUS SLEEP PROBLEM. 

A magical trick huh? A baby’s inability to sleep is probably the most naturally frustrating thing for every new parent. So much so that I laid out an entire series of videos on dealing with the six most common reasons babies cry and how that relates to them not sleeping. http://www.cluelessfather.com/first-90-days/the-test-of-manhood-part-1

I’ll tell you the magic trick at the very end. But in the meantime here is some science as to how to get your child sleeping better.

a. Establish a schedule

You need to get your baby to set a routine. If they sleep a lot during the day, they won’t sleep at night. Teach your baby when you want them to sleep by closing the curtains when they should be sleeping and opening them for daylight when they should be awake.

A relatively newborn baby IS GOING TO SLEEP MORE THAN 12 -16 HOURS PER DAY. The trick is to get them doing that when you need them to so you can also get the sleep.

At the younger stages (and some of the later stages) a large reason why they wake-up is hunger. And if you are exclusively breastfeeding them, then about the best you can do is to start considering bottling your breastmilk and keeping it in the fridge and have you and the hubby take turns on feeding the girl from the bottle.

But otherwise, don’t let her nap too much during the day so that she is tired when bedtime arrives and set a fixed bed-time every day.

b. Give her a bath before bed-time.

This is part of establishing the schedule. A daily bath with warm water is great fun for you and the baby and can help the baby relax so they can sleep better. There are different baby soaps designed to “relax” the baby so they fall asleep. Some work, some don’t. Depends on the baby.

Also there is an old mother’s remedy of crushing lettuce leaves in the bathwater and letting them soak the water and then letting the baby soak in that for 10 minutes or so before washing them. Hey, it might sound crazy but I was so desperate I absolutely tried it.

c. Make sure she is really well fed right before you put her in the bed to sleep.

I f you are exclusively breastfeeding her and you don’t have enough milk at this hour to really fill her up you either have to bottle it and then give it to her or begin supplementing milk with a formula you trust.

Here is an interesting problem with breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding. With bottle feeding (with breastmilk) you can see exactly how many ounces your baby is drinking and can more accurately ensure they are getting enough food. I have no idea how big or small your baby is but at 15 weeks she should probably be drinking 6-8 ounces of breastmilk at a go right now.

However for some women switching to bottling breastmilk begins to hinder their breastmilk production. So it’s a tricky subject. But either way you just need to make sure THAT YOUR BABY HAS A FULL STOMACH before sleeping.

As a note, I personally never recommend powdered formulas anymore. We exclusively use barley formula. (http://www.cluelessfather.com/parent-skills/how-to-make-barley-formula-part-1).

d. Check for things causing physical pain or discomfort

Here you need to become a bit of Sherlock Holmes and check over every inch of the room and their crib to see if there is anything poking them, scratching them, making them uncomfortable. One thing that really helped our daughter was getting her a super-soft polar fleece blanket to sleep on.

Is the room too hot? Get a fan.

Is the room too dry? Get a humidifier.

Is the room too cold? Get a heater and a humidifier (so the heater doesn’t dry the room out)

Are their bugs such as mosquitos that are waking her up? Kill them.

Are their noises that scare her awake? Get a white noise generator or get rid of the source of the noises. (that doesn’t mean killing obnoxious neighbors although many times I have felt like doing so).

Are her clothes too tight? Bigger clothes.

Does she like sleeping with just the diaper? Lose the rest.

Here is a question for you: Is she sleeping in the same room as you and your husband or is she in the baby room now? As you get near the 6 month mark, you need to start weaning her off staying in the same room as you. Because there may also be things you and the hubby do while sleeping that wake her up.

There are dozens of things that could be bothering her and you have to check the sleeping room for all of them.

And now for the magic trick…..it doesn’t even require abracadabra.

e. TALK TO YOUR BABY.

Many people think that babies don’t understand what you try to tell them. I believe the opposite. I believe if you treat your child as an intelligent human being, they will respond as one.

When my daughter reached 60 days (and I was at the brink of total exhaustion from constantly waking up every night) I decided to sit down with her and have a talk with her. I explained to her that her mother and I needed to sleep so we could take better care of her and that I had to work every day and the lack of sleep was affecting the quality of my work.

I asked her to please start sleeping at least six hours at a go when we all went to sleep. I kissed her and told her we’d make sure she was fed and washed and comfy and in return she let us get a little more sleep.

And it was like magic. For the next 6-8 months she started sleeping at least 8 hours at a go.

That may sound ridiculous for some people, but honestly I don’t care. It worked for us and has worked for two other friends of mine after all else had failed.

Whose to say that a lot of baby crying doesn’t come from the frustration of their parents treating like them idiots? Maybe they just want a little respect. 😀

****

Anyways, there you go. Try the above and let me know how it goes. Do each step one at a time and see if that works. Don’t try everything in one day and then just decide that none of it works.

Perhaps the two greatest parent skills are love and patience in the face of an overwhelming number of reasons as to why one should be angry and frustrated.

It just comes with the entire package, but I am sure the love and beauty of your child helps you somehow make it through and still enjoy every day.

Good luck.

Best,

Dare

www.cluelessfather.com

dsw@cluelessfather.com

“cluelessfather” on youtube

Baby Breastfeeding Supplements Q&A

Baby Breastfeeding Supplements Q&A

hello again dare hw u doing hope u n ur family r doing well n hw is the princess am sure she is all grown up now all the best in the future„„anyways i just want ur opinion on this one.. my daughter is now 15 weeks old and we live in a very hot place so do i need to give her water, she is exclusively breast fed… and from ur experience is it necessary to give baby vitamine drops. tnx – Monica

Hi Monica!
Thanks for writing! Yes, the little princess is growing fast as I am sure yours is as well.

In terms of giving a baby water while still breastfeeding this can be a somewhat controversial subject. Your breastmilk is about 90% or more made up of water and as long as you are eating healthy and drinking lots of healthy drinks such as vegetable juices and water then your baby should be just fine.

In terms of vitamin drops, unless specifically advised by a pediatrician, I wouldn’t add vitamin drops to this. From my experience pediatricians usually advise vitamin drops when babies are being raised on formula and not on breastmilk.

Now there are a lot of mothers who are fiercely independent on raising their child and don’t visit a pediatrician or doctor unless an actual sickness occurs or something they can’t solve with a home remedy.

To mothers with this line of thinking I would advise them to buy a baby chart which shows ideal weight and height growth for their baby and chart them every month to see how they are progressing. As long as they are growing properly then it would seem obvious they are getting sufficient nourishment from the breastfeeding. If the baby wasn’t growing properly, then it would be time to consider vitamin and protein supplements.

Also along the lines of babies and water for these mothers, if you notice that your daughter is getting thirsty a lot then you can do one of several things:

1. If you see their lips getting dry or cracked or if they are not peeing regularly it’s a sign that they are getting too much sunlight and are dehydrating. If you really don’t want to see a pediatrician, then give the child a SMALL amount of CLEAN water or baby tea to start. No more than 1oz or 2oz’s maximum. The key thing is not to interrupt their established feeding cycles.

If you overdo the water, you can cause health problems for your baby. That disclaimer being said, we gave our daughter 1-2ozs of baby tea regularly when she was 4 months old and we were in the middle of a scorching heat wave in Mexico. We made sure it was mid-point between feedings and that her eating cycle was not disrupted and she did just fine with it. http://youtu.be/cgH2TNUm_R4

2. If you can’t do much about them being in the hot weather with a fan or air conditioner, then you can always take wet rags and give them a wipe down regularly, just be sure the rag isn’t cold. Room temperature water works best.

Thanks again for writing! Hope that helps!

Best,

Dare

www.cluelessfather.com

dsw@cluelessfather.com

“cluelessfather” on youtube

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