One of those parenting mornings…

Ever have one of those morning after you have worked most of the night, you wake up to the baby crying two hours later, your wife/partner has left to work, you are changing the diaper and it seems like the baby thinks the diaper is made of liquid fire because THEY WILL NOT LET YOU PUT IT ON and by the time you finally do get the go******d fu****g thing on there is butt creme all over your hands, face, the baby’s body and most of the crib.

Then while the baby is crying at full volume you somehow manage to get their clothes on even though they wriggle like pro-WWF wrestlers, finally get their pre-school bag ready, stumble half-consciously down the stairs and carry them off to school and the whole time you are boiling over and so frustrated you don’t know if you want to cry or blast the head off the next person who even slightly steps in the wrong direction….

And then all of the sudden as you hand the baby over to the teacher your baby suddenly hugs you and gives you a sloppy half-kiss and says papa as loud as she can….and suddenly you are the happiest person in the world and can’t wait to have another kid?

Parenting is the most emotionally taxing job that exists. But it has its rewards.

End. Of. Story.

The Parental Expectations Trap

The Expectations Trap

Expectations can do one of three things to a child:

a. crush them before they even have a chance

b. cause them to rebel against said source of expectations

c. or push them into being something more or achieving more.

If you are in some way related to a well-known, famous, etc… type person and if you are their child, so much the worse. Because you undoubtedly know all about expectations. Even when said family member doesn’t lay it on you, everyone else around you or who comes to associate with you does or in some way relates you to that. There is just no way around the associations and ideas they have formed about YOU because of that relation. Everything becomes weighed and measured instead of taken for what it is.

And when you finally come to realize that you just can’t meet up to those expectations…it’s an ugly day if you take it wrong, and a liberating one if you happen to realize that they are chains that have been weighing you down for a long time.

You see this a lot in the artistic world, you see this in the business world, you see this in the political world, you see this in the military world. You see it pretty much everywhere.

So recently as I have been walking around with my daughter, I was surprised to find myself going “I hope she’s this, I hope she’s that…” “Will she want to do this…or that” “Maybe by the age of six she’ll have a platinum record.” Sort of just kidding on that last one…but you get the picture.

Expectations are a dangerous weapon for any parent to wield. Those who have lived under them know just how damnably frustrating they can be.

So after pondering the matter greatly, I’ve decided that I only have two expectations for my daughter:

1. To be a kind person who respects the rights of others and helps those who need help when she can. (This includes the natural things such as good manners, etc…)

2. That she pursues her own dreams with a fervor and never accepts others limitations of her.

Hope everyone is having a ___________ holiday season.

Best,

DSW

Traveling with Babies – Alaska Airlines Gets it…

Ok we went on a ten day work/family vacation.

All my life I have been a notorious control freakazoid when it comes to traveling. Nothing could’ve prepared me for our first international travel. Arriving back home I was so exhausted all I could do was drop the bags on the floor and crawl into bed and pass out. Hopefully I can help other parents avoid this.

The trip started at 5 am on October 28th with Alaska Flight 244 from Mexico City to LAX. I wanted to be there at 4 because the flight to the US left at 7:00. But 5 was acceptable. We waited in line and finally were at the Alaska ticketing booth by 5:45 am.

And…. we found out that my wife had forgotten our daughter’s birth certificate which was needed for her to travel as she is a dual citizen and this was the first time leaving Mexico. The guy told me that if we didn’t have the birth certificate we needed to see the immigration office and that the plane ticketing closed at 6:30 am (in 45 minutes).

I ran to immigration, it didn’t open til 7am. I had non-refundable tickets. I was not going to miss this flight. We live about 40 minutes from the airport which meant an hour and twenty minutes round trip. I panic’ed, told my wife to wait there. I flew down the stairs and found an airport taxi and told him that the plane closed in 45 minutes and I had to make the flight.

45 minutes, two changes of underwear and a $40 bribe later we arrived back to the airport. The guy at the Alaska counter had everything ready for us and checked us right through. We stumbled with all our carry on stuff (you need about 35 pounds of stuff for a 15 pound baby) through security. It was 7:00 am at this point.

My wife ran to the plane with our daughter while I got my immigration papers stamped. There was a 70 year old nun behind me in the line and after trying to mentally wrangle my conscious down, I had to let her go in front of me. My wife texted me over the phone that they were closing the plane door and only holding the plane for me.

I got my papers stamped and there was a security guard there waiting to take me to the right gate, I ran with him and all my gear, grabbed our daughter from my wife, boarded the plane, walked passed the first class passengers giving me disapproving looks and sat down with my wife in a state of semi-mental collapse.

They held the plane so we could make it. I couldn’t believe it. Granted we weren’t that late, but I’d had one other plane (of a Mexican airline) shut the door on me when I was only a couple minutes late and refuse to open it and I had to wait overnight at the airport on a bench to catch the flight the next day.

Yet, the airplane staff totally understood and were helpful the whole trip. If we needed something for the baby they totally accommodated.

And here’s where I really get sentimental:

My wife and I were exhausted beyond belief. My wife and baby had a flu for 3 days before we traveled which meant that none of us got any sleep for those 3 days.

Yet my daughter only stopped being upset when I would let her walk for most of the three and a half hour flight or if I would carry her while walking. I had to let my wife sleep because after all, I’m the man. I should be the tougher one right?

Anyways after about two and a half hours, my back was in agony (leftover injuries from a car crash a few years ago). One of the stewardesses saw this and told me she was a mother of two and offered to hold my daughter for a bit.

For the next 30 minutes she and another stewardess swapped holding my daughter until the muscle spasms in my back passed and I could hold my daughter again. We then went into landing at LAX and my wife woke up and fed our daughter while we landed.

Is that all?

Nope.

Before you have kids you, like everyone else, irrationally stand up AS SOON AS the plane comes to a stop even though you can’t move for like another 15 minutes. After you have kids you stay seated until the plane is basically empty which we did and then the staff helped us carry our luggage down to the waiting bus.

And here I will comment that LAX security also gets it. Myself and one other family traveling with small children got ushered into the diplomatic immigration line so we didn’t have to wait behind 400 people standing in lines for immigration. Last ones off the plane, first ones through immigration.

It’s really these little courtesies that help make being a parent during this time that much more tolerable.

So to LAX security: you are awesome.

And to Alaska Airlines: I love you. I’ll be traveling with you on every trip to the US from here on out.

HOW NOT TO TRAVEL WITH A SMALL BABY

HOW NOT TO TRAVEL WITH A SMALL BABY – PART 1

We’ve been gone for ten days on a combined business/family visit to the states. I was surprised because I missed the US so much I wanted to hug every person that spoke English to me…fortunately, restraint prevailed.

However this was our first vacation with our daughter since she passed into the walking and moving stage of things. She’s almost 11 months now and let me tell you right now…those five months make a big difference.

When we were flying around with her here in Mexico when she was five or six months, all was cool. Nary a peep from the little princess. Slept on the plane in my arms. People couldn’t believe how quiet she was.

Not so now…

Things I learned which I will cover more in full later:

0. I love my daughter. I love my daughter. I love my daughter.

1. The vacation is not a vacation, it is just another form of exhaustion prettied up and frosted over with a nice word that we remember in distant memories.

2. No passenger seated nearby on the plane is safe from toys being flung at high velocity.(Only the captain behind a locked steel door)

3. Babies at this stage will not stop screaming until you let them walk…no matter where you are unless they are asleep.

4. If the baby has the sniffles, cancel the “vacation” until she or he is fully well or you will suffer every day and every night with sleepless exhaustion.

5. The baby changing tables in the airplanes make it easier for baby to leave chocolate buttprints on the cramped cabin walls. Sort of like the old fax/xerox butt trick, but with texture.

6. A daughter being held by father on the plane will kick him in the groin approximately 17.3 times per minute. I won’t be able to do any baby dancing for at least a month…

7. Baby throw-up seems to have a special clinging quality at 40,000 feet in the air.

8. Baby poop seems to have magical anti-gravity properties at 40,000 feet. Part velcro, part toxic waste.

9. If all parents were left alone in Babies R Us with unlimited fund credit cards, the US economy would probably recover.

10. My wife left alone in stores with baby clothes will ensure my credit never recovers…but goddang if the stuff she buys doesn’t make our daughter look fantabulistic.

11. I have developed a love/hate relationship with Baby Gap, Target, Babies R Us over the last ten days.

12. On the returning flight, the time in the airplane while baby is awake and insisting on running around effectively increases mental flight time proportionately. A three hour flight feels close to ten hours. A ten hour or longer flight would either feel like an eternity in parenting hell or purgatory.

13. Thank you to all the wonderful people who complimented our daughter. If I ever win a billion dollars, I’ll fly you all to Hawaii for the weekend.

Summary:

In the next couple days I’ll cover the good, the bad, the ugly on vacationing with a 10 month old daughter as well as some hot tips on some really cool baby products I found in the US.

I want to say hello to the new people looking at the blog and I’ll be sure to do it properly in the morning after I get some sleep for the first time in ten days.

Best,

Darius