Why marriages die…

I disagree with @GoodMenProject on this one…

“Dreams are the blood sacrifices every successful marriage must make.” @Profbarr How It Might Have Been – http://bit.ly/gJUqk7

“Dreams are the blood sacrifices every successful marriage must make.”


I’m sorry. But that attitude right there is the one that probably kills more marriages than any of us can count.

Look the article is beautifully written. Even I can admire the construction of the English and the pacing and even the story. In some ways it is quite touching and certainly expresses how many of us who have been divorced feel from time to time. It is very human in so many ways and I truly enjoyed every layer of it.

But that one must sacrifice dreams to have a successful marriage is only seeking to find an excuse for failure in the face of having a lack of courage to do what must be done to succeed.

To me accomplished dreams are made up of many of the same elements of a successful marriage:

1. Courage

2. Persistence

3. Being able to work hard

4. Being able to learn from one’s mistakes AND CHANGE

5. Never giving up

A truly successful and happy marriage is often only so to the degree that both partners help each other and their children reach for their dreams whatever they may be and never letting up.

My wife has always dreamed of being a designer but has been in job after job of business administration. Two weeks ago, despite our family being heavily in debt, I saw that my wife simply wasn’t happy.

I had been so thankful for the last three months that she had landed her job and was pulling in vitally needed extra cash that was helping us with the groceries and putting our daughter in a good pre-school.

But then I realized to certain degree that this was extremely shallow of me. So I did the craziest thing I could possibly think of. I took on even more work, took out a loan and put my wife in a local design school and paid for her classes through having an advanced diploma in graphic design.

When I married my wife five years ago, I promised her that I would help her achieve her goals and her dreams. Because I knew that only when one moves towards one’s own goals is one truly happy.

Are both of us suffering because we don’t have that extra money? Yes. Are we happier? Yes.

Never let anyone say “Now that I am married” or “Now that I have children” “I have to give up on my dreams.”

Pushing them. Helping them find a way towards those dreams. Making them work harder for those dreams and not letting them waste away in front of a tv or on stupid things that suck up one’s time but don’t have diddly to do with achieving one’s goals…that’s what a successful marriage and relationship is all about.

Sorry Prof. I disagree with you on that point very strongly. But I loved your article.


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