Men who don’t appear happy about becoming fathers…
Hi Dare, I am indeed expecting baby number 1, Thank you 🙂 I was looking for videos to help my husband..and ran across yours (Thank goodness that I did) because they ended up being very helpful even to ME.. I will be showing them all to my husband because he is clueless about what is needed and what to expect. I’ve found that he is so clueless that sometimes it comes across as it seeming like he isn’t excited. (if that makes any sense) Have you heard of any other couples or even individuals experiencing the same thing? Thank you for posting your videos! They are all very informative and helpful. –
My wife is pregnant with #2 so it looks like our babies are going to be arriving pretty much at the same time!
In terms of a husband not being excited about a baby on the way, sure I’ve seen and heard about this before. On the surface it can appear very common.
(Please take this for what it’s worth because I really don’t know your specifics).
Before mothers-to-be start rightfully throwing frying pans at “unexcited” dads-to-be, it is very important to figure out what is really happening.
Remember that we are MEN, we need to appear tough, stable and unshakeable especially when something as life shaking as a new baby is about to happen. We can also get the cold sweat at the small of our back that happens when we are up in front of the minister at the chapel with you and that moment of panic hits us when we realize life is changing forever as we exchange marital vows.
We also don’t have the hormone overdose happening that pregnant women get to have which tends to give them amazing skin, a really warm special beauty glow and a temper that is faster than Billy the Kid’s six-shooter.
Moms to be have to remember that usually it isn’t a lack of excitement. It’s usually one of several factors:
1. The guy has no idea of the tidal wave that is about to re-arrange the landscape of life
2. A bit of shock mixed with anxiety about all the changes life is about to go through.
3. Worry about being able to provide everything that is going to be needed to take care of the baby
4. An idea that raising the baby is “not his problem”
1, 2 and 3 are normal and can be easily fixed. 4 IS a tougher problem.
1. Is usually solved by visiting friends who have just had a baby.
2 and 3 are usually solved by sitting down with each other and writing down the changes that are about to happen, figuring out who is going to be responsible for what and what the general plan is for making the transition into parenthood as easily as possible.
If you don’t know the changes that are going to happen you can talk to friends who have kids, look at websites like mine (http://www.cluelessfather.com/are-you-ready) and those that are referenced on my links page or any of the billions of books that are put out every year on parenting.
Number four is the toughie.
Before anybody is going to get anything out of any parenting books they read or my videos or any friend’s advice, they have to be willing to get something out of them and that’s something that mom and dad have to settle between them.
Is your husband going to be involved? Willing to change diapers, willing to feed the baby, willing to help them stop crying, willing to put them to bed, willing to wake up and feed them in the middle of the night? That’s what has to get settled FIRST.
Because whether dad likes it or not, a new member of the family is arriving in all his or her smiling, screaming, crying, farting, pooping and peeing glory. And if dad is a smart dad, he is spending the last few months that he has before fatherhood really getting ready.
It’s the worst thing in the world to have to say “I told you so” about. It’s a tsunami of joy and exhaustion that is going to change you both forever. There is no going back. And if you have done the best you can to prepare for the child, it will be an incredibly enriching experience for both of you.
But do the guy a favor and give him the benefit of the doubt especially if he has been a loving and providing partner because that right there is a sure sign that he is going to be a great father. Ask him what’s happening. Most dads-to-be that are friends of mine went through a numb-panic stage that I had to slap a few out of and say “DUDES, the psunami is coming!!! Get ready for it.” They just had no sense of the change that was before them. Also they get anxious about the many expectations thrown on them as a father in today’s day and age.
Hope that helps! Congratulations again and I really hope this easily sorts out for you! Always feel free to drop me a note and I’ll answer as fast as I can with the best advice that I can offer.