HOW NOT TO TRAVEL WITH A SMALL BABY – PART 1
We’ve been gone for ten days on a combined business/family visit to the states. I was surprised because I missed the US so much I wanted to hug every person that spoke English to me…fortunately, restraint prevailed.
However this was our first vacation with our daughter since she passed into the walking and moving stage of things. She’s almost 11 months now and let me tell you right now…those five months make a big difference.
When we were flying around with her here in Mexico when she was five or six months, all was cool. Nary a peep from the little princess. Slept on the plane in my arms. People couldn’t believe how quiet she was.
Not so now…
Things I learned which I will cover more in full later:
0. I love my daughter. I love my daughter. I love my daughter.
1. The vacation is not a vacation, it is just another form of exhaustion prettied up and frosted over with a nice word that we remember in distant memories.
2. No passenger seated nearby on the plane is safe from toys being flung at high velocity.(Only the captain behind a locked steel door)
3. Babies at this stage will not stop screaming until you let them walk…no matter where you are unless they are asleep.
4. If the baby has the sniffles, cancel the “vacation” until she or he is fully well or you will suffer every day and every night with sleepless exhaustion.
5. The baby changing tables in the airplanes make it easier for baby to leave chocolate buttprints on the cramped cabin walls. Sort of like the old fax/xerox butt trick, but with texture.
6. A daughter being held by father on the plane will kick him in the groin approximately 17.3 times per minute. I won’t be able to do any baby dancing for at least a month…
7. Baby throw-up seems to have a special clinging quality at 40,000 feet in the air.
8. Baby poop seems to have magical anti-gravity properties at 40,000 feet. Part velcro, part toxic waste.
9. If all parents were left alone in Babies R Us with unlimited fund credit cards, the US economy would probably recover.
10. My wife left alone in stores with baby clothes will ensure my credit never recovers…but goddang if the stuff she buys doesn’t make our daughter look fantabulistic.
11. I have developed a love/hate relationship with Baby Gap, Target, Babies R Us over the last ten days.
12. On the returning flight, the time in the airplane while baby is awake and insisting on running around effectively increases mental flight time proportionately. A three hour flight feels close to ten hours. A ten hour or longer flight would either feel like an eternity in parenting hell or purgatory.
13. Thank you to all the wonderful people who complimented our daughter. If I ever win a billion dollars, I’ll fly you all to Hawaii for the weekend.
In the next couple days I’ll cover the good, the bad, the ugly on vacationing with a 10 month old daughter as well as some hot tips on some really cool baby products I found in the US.
I want to say hello to the new people looking at the blog and I’ll be sure to do it properly in the morning after I get some sleep for the first time in ten days.