Clueless Father nearly killed by Mr. Sushi

Clueless Father killed by Mr. Sushi (May 29th 2010)

I must be setting a Guinness record for number of trips to the bathroom in a 5 hour period (so far). But OH MY GOD the abdominal pain is out of this world.

To all women: if this is the same level of pain you experience during period cramping, I totally sympathize. My gut feels like it has a charlie horse.

My personal feelings are that if it isn’t a fruit, vegetable, nut or similar food type and you aren’t dying of starvation on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean, then food should be cooked before it enters your body.

I don’t understand the sushi fad or freaks. My wife is a sushi lover and that’s fine I guess. I almost never eat the stuff unless forced to go and my first question is always: do they have cooked steak?

As I sit on the toilet for the thousandth time in the last 5 hours and feel like the stream of liquids coming out of my body are a partial mixture of sushi, battery acid and Drano…I vow that I will never again eat sushi.

And for all you people who say “Mr. Sushi is not real sushi…you need to go to ________”

I put those comments the same place as the “you just haven’t had good liver…” comments: in the toilet with the toxic waste that is pumping out of my body.

I am somewhat certain I will survive. The laughter from friends and family is worse than the fever chills.

Especially when I yell out for another roll of toilet paper.

When I actually meet Mr. Sushi he’s going to be in deep shit.

Regards,

DSW
Aka The Clueless Father

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